Sometimes It Is Really Hard

sometimes 

it's hard to explain our feelings

towards something that no one can uderstand

sometimes

it remain our secret forever

we can smile

we can laugh

in front of others

but not when we look into the mirror..

we can't smile to ourselves

n say that "today is a great day for me!"

no

sometimes it can't happen at all..

...

Adek.

adek.

i miss u alot

i had a dream of u last night

in that dream i cried

i drove to our school

searching for u

n then i hugged u

n i cried

coz i really miss u adek.

but still

i have to say goodbye to u

coz u r on ur way to somewhere else

i dunno where

maybe that dream tells me that i'm going to be far from u

mybe coz u will further your studies out of malacca

i'm sure u will get a great result in SPM n further ur studies in a good university 

insyaAllah.. =)

i've known u for about 7years

n i hope we will keep in touch forever

don't forget me coz i'll never forget u =)

take care adek

all the best =)

gonna miss u always =')

p/s: i dun have any adek , but since u came into my life, proudly i say that i have a sister that i love so muchh!!

thanks thanks thanks being a great sister for me =)

Rugi Je.

buat pe nak letak harapan

kalo da tau mmg tade faedah

yg knal dlm 1 taun jek kot

plan jumpe

tp yg knal da bertaun2

tak plan pon nk jumpe?

ckp je rindu

tp hakikatnya mana ade

inilah die MANUSIA.

DATANG DAN PERGI.

tak payah la hegeh2 kat orang mcm ni

rugi je.

Berharap.

Ya Allah

kembalikan sinar kebahagiaan 

untuk die merasai kehidupan seperti yang lain.

tabahkan hatinya

agar dia cekal menghadapi segalanya.

amin.

Aku Tak Faham

semakin aku hidup dalam dunia ni

semakin aku keliru dgn sikap manusia

manusia skrg pelik

mybe sbb akhir zaman kot

*********************************

manusia zaman skrg hanya buat ape yg dorg suke

tanpa pedulikan hati org lain

tapi dalam masa yg sama

die nak kite jaga hati die

PELIK.

bukanke kite kene bagi kalau kite nak dapat balik?

..................................................................................

aku pelik budak2 skrg yg suke ponteng skola

even mereka BARU DARJAH 1

oh my Allah

knape dgn dorang ni?

tau tak dorng betapa pentingnya MEMBACA,MENULIS dan MENGIRA

BERULANG KALI?

ape, dorang ingt dorang sorang je yg kene buat tu sume 

ULANG2 setiap hari?

aku takkan boleh tulis post ni kalau aku tak pernah ade DI TEMPAT DORANG.

sedarlah wahai adik2

bende2 tu yg tolong kau masa kau nak main IPAD,IPHONE, dll

sedar tak kau 

yg U R NOBODY without KNOWLEDGE?

tada sapa akan pandang kau

kalau kau tade ilmu

tak kire betapa kayanya kau.

PAHAM? kompem TAK. 

sbb MANUSIA NI PELIK.

........................................................................................

aku lg tak faham

pada budak2 yg berpeluang skola agama

dan tak gunakan dgn baik

weh, kau tak tau betapa rugi nya aku tak dpt skola agama dulu

tengok skrg

merangkak2 baca quran

its okay.aku sanggup blaja skrg

wlupon umur aku da mencapai 18 taun

ruginya kau bile kau sia2kan peluang utk ke skola agama

kau hanya merosakkan diri kau

padahal kau mampu utk belajar quran tanpa diketawakan

tanpa org lain rase pelik

"KENAPA BARU SKRG NK BLAJA QURAN?"

sedarlah wahai adek2

idup korang sgt bertuah

skrg ni ade mcm2 kemudahan

kenapa taknak gunakan??

senang..

sbb MANUSIA NI PELIK.

.................................................................................

aku tak faham dgn manusia yang tak pernah menyesali kesalahan dulu

dan masih berkait dgn kesalahan dulu

walaupon tak buat lagi tapi kenapa dekatkan diri dgn bende2 mcm tu

ade otak ke takde?

PELIK.

yg tak tahan tu

leh senang lenang

tersengih gembira tunjuk kat sume orang

prangai tak betol tu

MANUSIA NI PELIK.

.....................................................................................................

aku lg tak paham

bile kau utang orang

tp kau sebok bg bonus kat pekerja kau

tapi utang takmoh bayar

what the hell?

ko ade otak ke tade?

tula..orang suh benti isap rokok takmoh.kan da tade otak

ko leh bayar utang agen2

tapi utang kakak ko tanak bayar?

WHAT THE HECKK?

ade otak letak kat mana bro?

PELIK KAN MANUSIA NI.

duit bukannya tada,

ade.

SIAP PEGI OVERSEA

dapat payment berjuta2 ringgit

tp utang yg da bertaun taknak bayar

MANUSIA NI MEMANG PELIK.

................................................................................................

stakat ni dulu aku cite pasal sume prangai manusia yg aku pelik

pada yg memiliki prangai2 pelik ni

sila la hantarkan borang taubat pada Ilahi

supaya idup korg dimudahkan

kalau maseh tak sedar2

tatau la nk ckp ape

LU PK LA SNIRI.

aku akan kembali dgn prangai pelik yg aku rase bosan nk tengok.

chow dulu

sekian.

Aduhai hati.tabahlah engkau.

semakin lama

semakin kurang tahap kesabaran aku

kadang2

rasa nak give up pon ade.

rasa mcm da tak larat nk hadap lg ni sume

makin cakap

makin menjadi2

kenapa eh?

adekah ape yg dilakukan slama ni salah?

adekah satu kesalahan besar bila kita terpakse menerima

sesuatu yg kita dah tatau cara lain utk selesaikannya?

orang luar mmg senang cakap.

"TINGGALKAN."

atau

"JANGAN FIKIR."

tapi

yang menanggungnya?

kalaulah dorang ditempat yg sama

ape yg mungkin dorang lakukan?

pernah tak dorang terfikir yg sbnrnye dorang tak ada choice?

itu saja choice yg ade

TERIMA

dan 

TERUS MENERIMA

secara paksa rela

tapi kenapa

manusia ni susah nak bersyukur?

kenapa agaknya manusia ni berat sgt utk menghargai pengorbanan seseorang?

hebat sangat ke manusia sampai salahkan Allah

atas kesilapan dan kesalahan sndiri?

kenapa yg menjadi penyebab dipandang kasih dan dipandang sayang

tetapi yg membantu

dan yg sebenarnya berkorban

dipandang hina

dipandang marah

kenapa?

pernah tak terdetik di hati nak berterima kaseh kepada yg memberi?

pernah ke terlintas utk bertanya khabar?

atau sekurang2nya berusaha utk berubah 

agar dapat mngurangkan kesakitan org yg berkorban?

DUDUK,

DAN FIKIRLAH..

sekian dari aku.

Benci dgn diri sendiri.

lg 6 hari Trial

aku admit aku lgsg tak bersedia

dan aku tau akibatnye kalo aku maseh tak bersedia skrg

tadi tetibe abah kata yg die da peringkat mati akal nk buat aku suke dkt addmaths

yup

smpai skrg

aku tak penah minat pada addmaths

wlupon aku da cube utk suke pada addmaths

aku maseh lom bejaya

kesian dkt abah

td die cm luahkan gak la penat die nk aja aku addmaths

wlupon tak direct 

aku maseh terasa dgn kata2 die

tp its okay

die berhak sbb mmg penat nk aja org cm aku

lembab + pelupa = failure

setiap kali nk aja aku

die kene ulang balik dr 1st topic addmaths

which is very hard to catch up dlm masa yg singkat

aku faham situasi abah

die berusaha utk buat aku suke pd addmaths

n aku tau die nak yg terbaik dlm spm aku

yg mana aku sndiri tatau ape yg terbaik utk aku

sume org nk straight A's

tp tak sume yg mampu

dan aku tergolong dlm org yg tak mampu tu

aku tau aku takkan dpt 9A+

aku target 7A

bukan 7A+

tp 7A

kalau rezeki aku stakat 5A

aku kene la redha kan

skrg ni mud aku down sgt2

aku cube utk tak stress pasal trial ni

sbb maseh ade masa utk spm

tp dah mmg rutin aku

stiap kali exam

aku moody

harini

aku rase aku benci kat diri aku

sbb?

aku nyusahkan abah

aku nyusahkan cikgu2 yg aja aku slama ni

aku susahkan sume org yg doakan aku

:'(

seriously

aku takut

aku takut sangat2.

ye aku tau Allah bley tlg aku

dan aku kene yakin tu

tp ntah la

harap yg terbaik aje la.

:'(

Again. be Silent is the best.

i dunno why

mybe this is tests from GOD

as Ramadhan is coming

lately..

its been quite tough days for me..

i have to face so much conflicts

where

in the end i have to be silent

i dunno what to do.

jd org tengah n tersepit antara beberapa pihak is not an easy thing.

bcoz at last

u will be the worst part

n u won't be able to cure anything.

n i'm in that situation rite now.

so,

i wanna be silent until the thing turn back to normal by itself.

Updated for current issues.

hey

this post is for today

coz today i'm stress

hate all the things happened today

everything goes wrong especially at the time school session is over

demmit

can't say much

just can say that i am BORED with some people in this incident without them knowing

i hate their attitude

hate myself too

hate every single thing!

pleasse dun ask why n dun give me any advise

need to calm down by myself

i dun need advise in this case

sorry

currently my mood is damn bad

but i have one quest.

WHAT WOULD U DO IF SOMEONE REALLY NEED UR HELP?

DESPERATELY NEED UR HELP.

I REPEAT.

DESPERATELY.

ARGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sometimes I have to pretend.

Lately..

i have to pretend that i am okey..

n i have to act like i'm happy..

but no one knows whats the real situation.

its really damn difficult when u have to take care of everyone's heart..

but somehow i'm wondering..

when would my heart been take care of?

its a hard thing when u have to be with two different people which both are important..

but do they understand ur situation?

as for me.they don't n they won't.

so..

what shud i do?

nothing.

instead of pretending to be okay.

i've tried to understand others situation

but why can't they do the same?

is it difficult?

oh maybe.

so..i think let me sacrifies all the hard feeling n difficult situation.

seriously.

i am hurt..

but do u notice that?

i don't think so.

so let it be.

let me hurt alone..

as long as u are happy.

end.

mood : hurt,alone,wanna cry but no more energy to do it.

Totally Frustrated

i'm hurt.

i'm frust.

n i'm down.

its too pain der!!!! [for me laa]

i will try to forget.

try to ignore.

try to... hate u.mybe.

i'll continue my business.

i won't bother u anymore

juz..

go away.

u listen to people who wanna destroy u rite?

just go to them.

don't come near to people who u have hurt.

don pretend like nothing happen.

but i know.

u will.

so.

i dun care.

i have to remain silent.

dun talk with me.

coz i dun want to.

*next post [after exam's posts] will be a long post that shows how much i hate u.*

Again she was been hurt.. :(

Ingat tak ade satu hari tu aku dipanggil utk ke gh kl sbb dgrnye ade kidney utk aku?

n akhirnye aku hnye mnggu n tak dpt kidney pon..hnye kesakitan dan kekecewaan..

pd mse aku dipanggil tu..

ade 4 org dipanggil skali..

jd hnye 2 org yg dpt...

then a gurl yg senasib ngn aku [tak dpt] bru2 ni dpanggil lg skli..

then her mom called my mom..

n tnye kitorg tak kene pnggil ke sbb anak die kene pggil..

then my mom called my specialist..n ask bout it..

after a few hours..

my specialist called my mom back n said that..

actually the donor has a brain tumor...

n thats why i was not been called to go there..

coz the kidney was unhealthy..

but my question was...

why u call the gurl if u know the kidney was unhealthy n not good for any kidney patient??

juz imagine..

budak tu lg mude dr aku..

so imagine her feelings..

mse skali tak dpt die da ngis n taknk mkn..

so ni kali kedua dikecewakan..

harapan palsu again..

until when u wanna hurt her?

STOP HURTING our feelings..

i'll keep hoping to HIM to cure me n also all the patients who suffered form any illness especially kidney failure coz i know how it feels..

p/s : when u try to be in a kidney patient shoes than u'll know how suffer the person is..

Missing you..

1.4.2010..

the day where i dropped my tears...

After more than 4 years..

being with our family...

finally..on 1st april 2010,

K been brought away by HIM..

K is such a nice cat..kesayangan abah..

K pling suke duduk kt atas MR. Camry abah..

smpai nafas terakhir pon die pilih sebelah kete abah..

that morning i can't go to school coz i'm still sick..

n that morning too my maid found K was dead..

M : K da mati..

N : hah????[trus lari g tgk but kene halang..so tgk dr dalam umah je..]

A : [trus g tgk] laa...mcm kucing ngah tdo..cianla...

then abah kebumikan dkt laman umah..

umi ltak minyak atar kt die n balut dgn tudung umi yg lame..

coz K was a very special cat..

i'm hepi for K coz mungkin He dun want it to suffer..

n K dpt kmbali dgn family die yg da tgglkan die lama..

i cried for his death..

i'm happy for him but in the same time i'm sad..

i love K so much..

he had a such beautiful eyes..blue in colour..

MR. K

we love u n we will definitely missing u..

Ape gune SEJADAH?

KENAPA PERLU PERCAYA PADA BOMOH?

adekah BOMOH dapat mengubah naseb kita?

adekah BOMOH PEMBERI REZEKI pada kita?

tp pernah ke kite pk yg BOMOH tu diciptakan oleh sape?

bukan ke oleh ALLAH S.W.T???

OMG...kenapa mesti ade lagi mentaliti cmni?

pliz la...

stop it..

stop percaya bnd2 karut ni..

tlg la jgn terjebak lg dlm hal2 mcm ni...

sbb..

if kite kunjung peramal/dukun/bomoh yg mnggunakan bantuan makhluk halus...

solat kite takkn diterima selama 40hari..

bayangkan lah cmne..

even kite solat 5waktu sehari pon blom tentu solat kite diterima Allah..

yesterday..........

i got a bad story from someone that makes me frustrated...thts why i post this entry..

can't believe it..

but it is true..

that really hurts me..

ade hadis berkata :

"kefakiran akan menghampiri kekufuran"

.................................................................................................................

ape gunanye sejadah?

bukankah utk menyuruh kite melakukan ibadah?

utk ape ibadah tu?

utk dekatkan diri padaNYA..

kenapa kite perlu dekatkan diri padaNYA?

agar kite tidak terpesong dan hanyut dgn hasutan syaitan...

kenapa syaitan maseh mnghasut kite?

kerana itu janji dia pada ALLAH

kenapa ALLAH izinkan?

kerana die mahu kite minta pertolonganNYA dan tidak jauh dariNYA

kenapa kita perlu minta pertolongan dari ALLAH?

kerana ALLAH sahaja tmpt kita meminta dan berharap...

bagaimana hendak meminta bantuan ALLAH?

dengan....

ambil wuduk...

bentang sejadah..

solat...

kemudian..

BERDOA..

"aku tak kuat

aku lemah

aku cume boleh cegah

melalui hati

iaitu selemah-lemah iman..."

When i kept it as a secret...

sumtimes

when i mad at sum1 that i love..

i'll keep it as a secret..

coz..

i dun want thing become worst

i know..

if i pour it..

everything will be a mess

everything will be bad..

n i dun want it..

let me keep it n i rather be silent..

let it be...

mybe it is the best for me..

mybe before this i put too much hope on human..

after all this thing happen..

i started to cry..

i keep thinking bout the worst part of this matter..

yeah..

the person that involve in this case didnt know anything

coz i didnt tell..

n i wont tell

dun want to hurt anyone..

but at the same time

i'm hurt..

really hurt..

for a long time..

i'm hurt..

but i talked to myself that everthing is fine..

only my feelings..

but now..

i dunno why

i keep thinking bout it..

n it hurts n hurts me too much..

mybe everything that they have told me before is true..

i dunno..

those questions keep walking in my mind..

- why u can change in a second?

- why u love to hurt me ?

- why u love to care n leave me at the same time?

- why u have never think bout my feelings?

- why u only contact me when u r in trouble?

n lastly..

- why people love to make promises but never pruf it?

" Bila kita letak harapan pada manusia..kita hampa..bila kita letak harapan pada Allah..DIA takkn pernah hampakan kita.."

*thats life...*

Alhamdulillah..

alhamdulıllah..
berkat sabar dan doa dr sume ahlı grup kıtorg..
akhırnye..
stelah lama terkandas kt ıstanbul..
akhırnye berjaya juga prob vısa dısettlekan
ınsyaAllah esok (14.1.2010) aku sekeluarga dan jemaah akn ke sana..
trıma kaseh byk pd sume yg telah byk menolong kıtorg..
pd sume yg kenal aku..
mohon ampun dan maaf kalo aku ade terlanjur kata atau saketkan hatı korg sepanjang korg kenal aku..
aku harap korg doakan aku dan keluarga slamat pergı slamat pulang...amın..

thanks so much God..
thanks coz u pruf that ı'm wrong..

amın amın amın yarabbalalamın.....!!!!!!!

''lıfe ıs lıke a drama...we juz have to waıt untıl the end of the story..n mostly wıll be a happy endıng story..ıf we keep ın mınd that Allah ıs always wıth us no matter what...''

kenapa ek..

Allah..
kenapa bıla kau da jemput ke rumah kau..
susah kıtorg nk smpaı?
adekah kıtorg tak layak?
atau mungkın kıtorg belom bersedıa?
plız..
answer my prayers..
Amın...

(coretan dr ıstanbul...13.1.2010)

hıdup ını penuh dgn dugaan..apepon kıte kene redha dan tabah..mungkın ade hıkmah dısebalık nı sume..

those idiots in my life

malas nk ckp saper..sbb mmg btol tak baik aibkan org..so aku tak ckp sape la..cume aku bg gelaran 'si polan'...

UTK KAMO WAHAI SI POLAN...: knape wat idup family aku miserable?knape kaco idup org len??kalo tade bnde nk wat wat bodo da la...no need to crik salah other people...who cares about your academic??kalo bgus academic tp pangai cm *@!?? bek tak payah la...

jgn luper sblom maki org...ingt aper org tu da berkorban utk kamo..paham??baek mntk maaf cepat sblom terlambat...